Here's a short list of games we DON'T like. Some of them we love/hate all at once, and some we just love to hate.
--- Metal Gear Solid 2 ---
And the award for "Best Demo" goes to: MGS2! The MGS2 Demo sold for $50 (it came with Zone of the Enders) and it was worth the price.
Too bad once the game arrived, it was stripped of the main character, had only three bosses (two were lame), and the worst videogame story ever--quite an achievement considering that videogame stories traditionally suck. Oh, and also a landmark level where your whiney replacement character is naked inside a giant human asshole (I only wish I were kidding). And it's all thanks to the miracle of hallucinatory drugs--the ones Hideo Kojima was taking when he wrote this massive let-down!
--- Splinter Cell ---
Can you spot Sam Fisher in this dark corner?
It's always best when you're sneaking around to have a glowing green light on the back of your neck (and glowing green goggles, too). And that's just the beginning of the fun in this clunky snooze-fest of a game. Not to mention the absolute crap graphics--why do people think this game looks good? It uses the Unreal engine, and not very well. Everything is stripped down in order to get decent performance out of the lighting, and the "light" usually looks like giant laser beams. Leon was excited about it--really excited--up until the moment he actually saw and played it. It has some cool things in it, but they can't save the overall game.
Update: Splinter Cell 3 (Chaos Theory) is much, much better. The control is improved, they've added workable melee attacks, the graphics are truly awesome, the levels are less linear and allow you to get creative, and the cool devices are more useful. Now this is what the original should have been! However, some things never change:
The green lights are prettier, but wouldn't they still get you
killed?
Update #2: Put this one back on the list. It was fun for a while, but the suspension of disbelief couldn't hold in the face of the game's huge flaws. You can't sneak properly if you can't trust the game to react realistically. Stuff like this kept happening:
Snatching this guy out of a room full of guys looking right at
him was just the start of the fun here. Turns out they're all deaf,
too. Check it out.
The great thing to hate in this scene is how the guy wants to
know "who cut this?", but he never considers that it might be, um, the
guy right in front of the cut.
--- Rallisport Challenge ---
Hey, look: the game with the most realistic car physics EVER--assuming you're talking about Matchbox cars. I've never seen cars go flying so far from hitting pebbles. It also has extra "bonus" physics that let you do things not possible in the real world, like standing cars on end, falling through the world into nowhere, and the "bobble car" effect. See the videos. :-) And on top of all that, it's really just not much fun.
I have to apologize for the video quality of these, they were made before I had vidcap equipment, using the low-res video mode of my digital camera.
What you have here is a video of two-player split-screen
action. Leon's on the top screen, and his car's somehow stuck to the wall
of this building. There's a reset button for things like this, but just
for fun, Bruce is trying to knock him loose with his own car. It doesn't
work...
Here's a fun video. It's self-explanatory. It
comes with the extra added bonus of our voices (we sound like idiots, so have a
laugh) coming through the tinny little camera speaker.
--- Kirby Air Ride ---
This one was a bit of a risk, but it looked Mario Kart-ish, and it had one huge plus going for it: it was the next game from the team that made Super Smash Bros. Melee! After seeing this sorry waste, I wonder if Smash Bros. being the best game ever was a complete accident. This game has slick graphics, a smooth, fast framerate, lots of options, even a LAN mode, but it's BORING! And the one-button control scheme makes the game harder, not easier. This game is a fine example of an attitude that seems to be on the increase at Nintendo Corporate: that if you make a game any idiot can play, everyone will like it. Top management at Nintendo must be made up of a bunch of idiots.
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